The Railton Turnaround
Prompted by a post over at Fallen Angel and while I have some free time during my slow recovery from a zombified state, I would like to let you in on an anthropological wonder that I have discovered and have dubbed the Railton Turnaround after the road on which I observe it.
The Railton Turnaround is one of the many many pedestrial faux pas that one encounters on a regular basis, and can be added to such delights as the escalator bearing loss (whereby the ped alights from the moving staircase but fails to move away from the immediate area) the short-sighted eleventh hour navigator (who stops right in front of the underground station lists for about a minute before then moving toward the platform they need) and the Indiana Jones (those who board an underground train by getting the absolute minimum distance inside the carriage, thus blocking the entrance for the two-hundred or so commuters directly behind them). The Railton turnaround is peculiar inasmuch as it is perhaps the most irritating pattern of behaviour to take place that is not directly attached to public transport. I can think only of the Psychic Meander (whereby a slow walker will meander into the path of an overtaking walkeri) as matching it for annoyance.
1) The first phase of the Railton turnaround involves adopting a stationery position. This can either be a brief cessation in walking or alternatively begin from a position that the ped has occupied for some time.
2) The ped then stares into the middle distance in one direction only. They may feel this phase benefits from raising themselves to their full height, possibly even tilting their head back to maximise the eye-level. This added fluorish is entirely optional, however the scoping out of a single direction is paramount.
3) By the third phase the ped is now fully comitted to making the turnaround, and must make the complex move that is at the heart of the action. The ped must, while still staring into the middle distance, take one step backwards, transfer their weight onto this leading foot, then in one move turn in the opposite direction to that in which they have been staring and, to complete the gesture, push off from the leading foot as if to adopt a brisk walking pace.
If the Railton Turnaround has been successfully employed then there will have been no warning to oncoming pedestrians that the move was about to take place and the "turner" will have collided, hopefully with some force, with someone in the process of walking past them. Seasoned turners will be well used to picking out the most viable spots along a pavement in which to make the maneuvre. This correspondent recommends areas heavily populated with unlicensed street furniture, or starting points parallel with streetlamps or bollards. Psychic meanderers are particularly adept at the maneuver and a team local to South London is already campaigning for it to be considered a host discipline in the 2012 Olympics.
i I should point out that the only time James Randi has had to give away his million dollars to someone capable of proving paranormal abilities it was to just such a meanderer, a rather flamboyant homosexual by the name of Red "Hots" Fletcher. "An extraordinary claim," Randi commented at the time, "calls for an extraordinary poof."
The Railton Turnaround is one of the many many pedestrial faux pas that one encounters on a regular basis, and can be added to such delights as the escalator bearing loss (whereby the ped alights from the moving staircase but fails to move away from the immediate area) the short-sighted eleventh hour navigator (who stops right in front of the underground station lists for about a minute before then moving toward the platform they need) and the Indiana Jones (those who board an underground train by getting the absolute minimum distance inside the carriage, thus blocking the entrance for the two-hundred or so commuters directly behind them). The Railton turnaround is peculiar inasmuch as it is perhaps the most irritating pattern of behaviour to take place that is not directly attached to public transport. I can think only of the Psychic Meander (whereby a slow walker will meander into the path of an overtaking walkeri) as matching it for annoyance.
1) The first phase of the Railton turnaround involves adopting a stationery position. This can either be a brief cessation in walking or alternatively begin from a position that the ped has occupied for some time.
2) The ped then stares into the middle distance in one direction only. They may feel this phase benefits from raising themselves to their full height, possibly even tilting their head back to maximise the eye-level. This added fluorish is entirely optional, however the scoping out of a single direction is paramount.
3) By the third phase the ped is now fully comitted to making the turnaround, and must make the complex move that is at the heart of the action. The ped must, while still staring into the middle distance, take one step backwards, transfer their weight onto this leading foot, then in one move turn in the opposite direction to that in which they have been staring and, to complete the gesture, push off from the leading foot as if to adopt a brisk walking pace.
If the Railton Turnaround has been successfully employed then there will have been no warning to oncoming pedestrians that the move was about to take place and the "turner" will have collided, hopefully with some force, with someone in the process of walking past them. Seasoned turners will be well used to picking out the most viable spots along a pavement in which to make the maneuvre. This correspondent recommends areas heavily populated with unlicensed street furniture, or starting points parallel with streetlamps or bollards. Psychic meanderers are particularly adept at the maneuver and a team local to South London is already campaigning for it to be considered a host discipline in the 2012 Olympics.
i I should point out that the only time James Randi has had to give away his million dollars to someone capable of proving paranormal abilities it was to just such a meanderer, a rather flamboyant homosexual by the name of Red "Hots" Fletcher. "An extraordinary claim," Randi commented at the time, "calls for an extraordinary poof."
posted by Hamilton's Brain | 4:28 pm
2 Comments:
Ha! Nice post, I know exactly what you...
Added you to the blogroll.
Menty tah!
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